Hello, it’s me! *adlele voice*
I can’t believe it’s been almost a year, 10 months exactly since I last wrote a blog…life, truly is amazing, huh? My last blog posted was during the end of 2020. Guess I have a lot to update you on!
It’s been an eventful year and I have witnessed all of what I prayed for last year come true. I started a Web Series and landed my dream job, as a mental health therapist. I’m happy to say I work in an environment that’s beyond supportive. So supportive, I found myself more confident with how I interact with others and how I even see myself.
I turned a quarter of a century…and began a new chapter in my life. I was surrounded by those who loved and cared for me. My birthday was one of those moments in which I realized the support system I always prayed for, was there. The friends I always asked for, I have been blessed. The ones who really support me, call me out, and love me through it all. I’m grateful.
During my birthday month, I decided to do a whole “birthday celebration”, which led to my discovery of outstanding black businesses. Although I enjoyed all the businesses and reviews, I found myself exhausted from experience burn out! Most of you know what this means and for those who don’t, burn out is a form of exhaustion which is caused by constant stress. I felt overwhelmed. I found myself just doing reviews, and not enjoying them. The purpose behind Reviewswithreej was to be authentic and true. I wanted to get back to why I started this instead of the feeling that this a job I don’t love.
I also started to get burnout from my official job as I struggled to balance my work/personal life and at the time I would make review videos right after working, which was overwhelming. I never gave myself time to rest or process anything that was happening around me.
After my “birthday celebration” reviews edition, I found myself in a deep depression. I found myself not sleeping, and overworking to avoid the feelings I was experiencing. I often experienced suicidal ideations and really felt hopeless. I had to take a break from Reviewswithreej.
This continued, until April when I finally started taking care of myself and signed up for therapy. I was skeptical at first but I realized I have to be patient and find a therapist who can fit my needs. I’m grateful for finding the most amazing therapist (Shoutout to Therapyforblackgirls!). With the help of therapy and my support system, I found my way back into myself.
This process into understanding myself and establishing a healthy life balance began in May and has continued up to now. It’s an on going process. I’m still struggling to find myself. But one thing I learned throughout this journey, is to give myself grace.
I punished myself often for things that were set and done. For instance, if I got into a disagreement or conflict with someone, I would take accountability on what I did, but believed that more needed to be done in order for things to “move forward”. I would often believe I needed to be “punished” in order to receive forgiveness.
However, since starting therapy and finding myself, I learned that I too deserve forgiveness. I deserved grace, and I deserved to learn from mistakes taken. I learned to be intentional with what I do and with mindfulness. I needed to be intentional with what I’m doing, what I allow in my space and my feelings relating to things I cannot control.
With all that being said, I’m a working progress, I deserve to show up for me. And I cannot do that without being intentional. I have to acknowledge the parts of myself that I’m not fond of, and give myself grace. I have to love myself and know when I have to give myself a break, in all aspects. This includes a way to practice intention and mindfulness, especially when producing Reviewswithreej.
Moving forward, Reviewswithreej will be done with intention. How I move forward will be based off giving myself grace, practicing self-compassion, self-love and self-care.
Thank you all for joining me on this journey, I hope you enjoy the blogs you read, the reviews you watched, and all the mental health posts. The beauty of healing is finding more things to work on, and I’m blessed I have a space to do so. Remember you are loved, needed, and cared for. Peace and blessings. Much love
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